She got to his house by 7 something in the evening. His house was empty and she managed to figure a way of staying out without objection or awkward questions.

He was in his dimly lit room with the bedside lamp, a book in his hand and a beer on the side table (the fact that she noticed a coaster under it gave her goosebumps... the good kind). He looked at her and put his book aside and sat up straight to...lets just say, acknowledge her presence. She went over to the little pouffee on the other side of the bed to leave her stuff and then plonked herself on the bed as well.

For a while they made small talk, his day, her day, his book, her books (texts) and people in general. Then they decided on a movie which he put on, on the cool wall mount plasma TV across his bed. They made arrangements for the requisite muchies, alcohol (in this case, a bottle of white wine) and made the ac super cold so they needed a blanket. There was strategically just one big blanket used.

The movie started, and while he seemed to watch it rather intently, she thought about them in that moment and how almost perfect it was. Except it was not, because they were not together. It was a decision they had made so to speak for a gammot of reasons that in this moment made no sense to her whatsoever.

He noticed how she had suddenly become so dreamy eyed and knew she hadn't the smallest idea of what the movie was about. He knew what she was thinking. He moved closer to her and leaned over and kissed her shoulder while his hands moved up her hands and to her waist. He kissed further up, on her neck, and then got into a more comfortable position to do what they were about to do next, not before he switched the TV off and put on music instead (god bless remote control).

He had this way around her, that no one else had. It varied directly to the quantity of alcohol he had. He was unpredictable and could make her go weak in the knees with simple things like a kiss on the forehead, or smelling her shoulder asking her what fragrance she was wearing or pulling her close to him with just the right quantity of strength, or just the most non chalant witty reference to a movie they had watched together.

On this particular day, he was doing the equivalent of all of this combined and maybe adding some other new things he had decided to try while he was away. She had moves too now as opposed to passively letting him do his thing. This took him by surprise... very pleasantly so.

After a decently long session of mouth to mouth or mouth to skin, they broke apart for a wine break. He sat on the bed with his legs straight and she rested on his bare chest. He held her by the arm that he wasnt using to hold the wine. She used her free and to hold his. And there was silence

"Are you okay with all of this" ,He unexpectedly asked her, breaking their divine silence.

"No" , She replied, being blatantly honest. " And you?"

"Well, I thought I would be...."

"But"

"I'm not either."

This to her was strangely reassuring although she didn't know what to say post this point and greatly dreaded the outcome of whatever conversation was to follow next. She loved their silence.

" So, what then", she was obliged to ask, since he brought up the conversation.

"You know as much as I do, which is collectively the size of a really really small peanut." They Giggled.

He kissed the back of her neck and rested his head on her shoulder for a while. His grip of her tightend, almost like he was scared she might go away. She welcomed it and pressed her hand, that held his, harder. The sacred silence was back.

Soon it was time for her to leave. She unscrambled from the bed and did her hair and other such things as gather her belongings etc. He put on his shirt, but left it half unbuttoned. At the door, she leaned over to give him a non chalant hug. Trying to be pricey and hoping he'd notice. He did. Just as she was about to leave he grabed her and pressed her closer to him.

" I don't think I'll like life much without you in it...", He said, extremely casually.

" I don't think I will either " She hoped she sounded an atom sized degree of his casual tone.

With this he kissed her nose and let her go. She kissed his cheek and left... pulling the door behind her.

Anyone Else... But You...

She had so much to say, to him. About him and her and them and everything else. She had so much to say, but nowhere to start from and definately no point to make.
She had things she wanted undone...mistakes, decisions, distance... so they could go back to being the people they used to be. In love and corny about it.

But wishful thinking has its flaws. She knows that, but much. And so logic prevails on most occasions. But then, knees go weak and the stomach becomes home to butterflies playing football and logic tends to get blurry from time to time. Memories roll back and forth like a ball on a see saw.

She wants movement, in any direction would be good, so long as there was movement... but they're there, still, stagnant, rock solid and ice cold... And theres nowhere to that they have to be, so there is where they will be for a while.On one of the glaciers in antartica *sigh* moving, only really really slow. (Damnit Global warming, where are you when someone actually needs you!)

But the calender takes its own pace to turn. 1 excruciating day at a time.

She walked in through the door and heavily plonked herself on the mattress where he was reading his book. He didn't respond. He knew she had had a long day. But he felt no sympathy or pity. He didn't want to tear the world apart to make it all better for her. He wasn't a hopeless romantic. He was a die hard pragmatic. So he looked at her, she gave a weak smile, he reciprocated and went back to his book.

After a few silent moments, she went for a shower. She came out fresh and clean and smelling divine. On her way back to the mattress, she detoured to the kicthen and picked up a wine glass and a coffee mug. She gestured to him, asking him which one he would prefer. He motioned to the mug. She went back to the kitchen and made 2 nice big mugs of cappuccino. He in the mean while called in for some food. He didn't ask her what she wanted.

And they sat there, each with their own book, own mug of coffee and silence. The only thing they had in common, was the blanket keeping them warm, that breezy winter evening... and their hands held tight under it.

They both had had a long day. They had both fought, with each other, with other people, with circumstance and with the world in general. They had no energy left to fight any more. They couldn't look at each other, they did not have anything reassuring to say to each other. So they sat there, in their silence...

Dinner came and passed while some movie played on the television. Every bone in her body hurt and she wanted nothing more than for her nerves to suddenly stop feeling anything at all. Every bone in his body ached for something to do. She envied his pain and he hers. On days they took that jealousy well, on others, they fought. Today was the other day....

After dinner they both slid into bed. He returned to his book. She slid closer to him and rest her head on his chest. He held her, tight. She felt a kiss on her forehead. She reciprocated on his chest.

Within moments she was in deep slumber and his eyes were surrendering to sleep. He shut the bedside lamp curled his other arm around her. And they slept. Sound.

And that, for that one moment, all the fighting they did, to stay together, was worth it

She put the book down, removed her reading glasses and shut the bedside lamp. She knew reading was putting her to sleep and she wasn't sure if she wanted to do that already. She got out of bed and walked to her window, from which she could see that the horizon, as dark as ever. It must be far from sunrise she thought, and that made her very happy. From the 13th floor, the vastness of the sea somehow seemed to multiply. A quick breeze brushed her face and hugged herself to feel warmer...
She was quite happy at how successfully she had avoided phone calls and visitors all night. It had taken some serious effort, but now, she thought, it was worth it. She would have to switch on her phone soon,she knew people would've been worried enough. For now, she brushed that thought from her mind.
Her small studio apartment seemed huge, partially because it was still just half done with the interiors and part because her interiors were as minimalistic as she could make them. She looked around and thought about how she couldn't wait to move in. Her dream of so many years was coming true in front of her eyes. And she knew, that it belonged to her... No one else, but her.

At this point she questioned if she wanted to be alone. It was that age when everyone around her was either married, or on the way to. If not engaged most of her friends had managed to find the one person they wanted to spend the rest of their life with. She found her numbness to these things very disturbing at times, but she would avoid giving it any more thought.

Tonight was different. Tonight, she was hoping to get her answers. Tonight, she was hoping for her post modern fairytale dream to come true. She had however, made sure that this wouldn't happen by cutting herself away from the world. All those who needed to know where she was, were told she's in another city , traveling for business purposes. This included her parents, friends, colleagues, everybody. But she hoped.

Just when the horizon was a deep shade of purple, there was a knock on her door, that sent a shiver down her spine. No one knew she was there, who could it be at that insane hour! Her fears vanished almost the next second, when she heard that very familiar voice say "Its me".
How did he know? she thought as she unlocked.

In the light of a few yellow bulbs, she saw him holding a bottle of wine and a bouquet of white orchids and purple irises. He walked in and shut the door behind him, silently put all that he was holding on a nearby table and moved to her. She had a lot of questions, but she chose to let him have his say first.

" Did you actually want me to buy your Out-Of-City-On-Business excuse? Because, I would have expected a more convincing lie from you if you had meant it."

She just looked at him, and gave him a half smile, not knowing still whether she was actually happy to have him there or not.

His hands now empty, he moved towards her and stood very close to her. He looked her in the eye and she shied away. She felt his finger moving a strand of hair from her face and she looked up at him. He pulled her closer and held her frail body, now wrapped in white satin close by the waist. All these years, and he could still hold her with one hand.
He moved closer and kissed her. She was unsure if she wanted to kiss him back or pull away, but before she had enough time for that, she found herself kissing him back. Her cold half hug suddenly converted into a more warm squeeze.

A little while and a lot of passion later, they broke apart and he kissed her cheek and softly wished her "Happy Birthday". She had maintained her silence all this while and chose not to break it for a thank you, so instead she softly kissed his lip and moved away. The doubts in her head were reducing fast... but still her head wasn't entirely clear.

In the meanwhile, he removed 2 glasses from his bag and poured them some wine. She was fairly surprised at how well prepared he was. She stood there, with hands folded, just looking at him execute his very well thought of plan. He opened his laptop, and put on some music. She could see he had a play list ready... Impressive, she thought.

He handed her one glass, and took her to the window, where they sat on the floor, looking out to the sea, the horizon now turning magic blue...How she loved french windows :)

They knew that they didn't want to indulge in small talk and they also know that the bigger things weren't worth saying. So they sat by each others side, his arm around hers , sipping on wine and watching the sunrise.

She knew, now, that she could start thinking about those bigger questions in life, and answers would come to her with ridiculous clarity. She looked at him and moved closer and rested her head on his shoulder. Her held her tighter than before. They kissed.
She now knew that she sat next to the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.
By now, the orange was blazing on the horizon... They watched the sunrise together and then cuddled up in bed and slept.

But She slept happier, because she knew she wasn't indifferent anymore... She was just sure, that she was in love :)