Thursday, April 12, 2007

Dia De Abril...

Disconnected. At a Loss of reason or purpose. At a loss of motivation, a drive to achieve, a focus of the top, or a focus of self accomplishment, the feeling of repent hidden in layers of hurt, unneeded ego, and thin translucent coverings of individuality and rebellion.

I want to turn back? But i cant seem to remember where it is that i want to go back to? or who? How many people do i want back in my life? how many people am i willing to leave along the way?

How much am i willing to sacrifice? where do i want to draw the line? What is it thats stopping me from doing what i know deep down is right? What is hindering the want to DO, the attempt, to Try!?

Why does the ego suffer blows? why does the ego exist at all? why does one doubt themselves? why does one get insecure and why does one constantly need reassurance? why is there such lack of stability? Why does each phase have to be short lived? why cant one thrive on a phase!

Lack Direction and am trying to cope with it! Lack motivation but i am pushing myself just those few more inches, maybe its under that stone right there... and then another stone goes by, feeling of hopelessness grows, strength to push reduces!

Disconnect! Rethink? Feel? attempt to?
Overwhelm yourself? let the feeling of overwhelming push you!?
Am i even trying hard enough?
Am i even trying at all?

Ya vas a ver como van sanando,
poco a poco tus herida
Ya vas a ver Como Va
La misma vida a decantar
la sar que sebro del mar....

There is only the hope.... thats all that is left...