So yeah... the whole shoo sha about "Identity" is slightly getting to me now. Everything is Identity. Who you are, how you dress, what you eat, who you chose to hang out with, who you call friends who you don't, what your romantic interests are, who you find hot and not...
And then it all needs to align, doesn't it... you can't contradict what you think and the way you dress, the way you are or the way you want to be. But then what about when you don't know who you are or what you want yourself to be. What about when you haven't quite made up your mind on the Identity you want and worked towards it. What about when you're as confused as half the bloody world and for a change, aren't quite afraid to accept that.
What if you aren't quite afraid to accept that you are scared of losing a friend. What if you're quite indifferent to losing quite a few others.
What if you're actually inquisitive and really miss studying, because you know you don't want to be labeled. What if you actually know you will complain when you have to study as much as you miss it now.
What is with identity anyways... how does it matter what brand you wear, what football club you support or what you chose to call right or wrong. How difficult is it, to accept that identities are fluid - as is everything else - so why hold on to it. Live and Let Live.. really :)
Saturday, July 21, 2007
31st December 2005
Autumn leaves crumpled and dust flew in the air as the car drove into the compound, through the gate that was now shut - a brand new gate that replaced the old rusty one... A sign...
As the car drove into the compound she noticed the destruction of sorts... the building that she knew as "office" all these years lay broken and in ruins. Some fain wall paper remains and she remembers running around in that place as a child. The smell of the AC, the continuous screeching of the huge dot matrix printer as a background, and butter idli - the types she's hasn't ever tasted again. Memories of her grandfather... and a sudden realization that what seemed to be massive wasn't that big after all!
Pappa goes around surveying the loading of machines and material alike, supervising all he can on that ground... he knows its his last time there. Nostalgia takes over when he starts a conversation with his manager - " Have I ever told you the story of the compound?" he asks his daughter....
She's been living in the same house... through the same 3 years of stress that he has, latently affected by them herself, not very obviously showing it, but affected. She knew all she managed to gather from random snippets of conversations and out pours of emotion to her when some one in the house thought they had had enough... but honestly, she knew a little less than was expected for a 17 year old to know... she never questioned.
And then the narration starts, with facts and details with emotions at that time and then in hind sight... as she patiently listens and understand the enormity of the whole series of events over 25 years. Struggles, fights, Mental Stress and ghosts!!!
Engrossed in conversation she and her dad walk down to the local joint for a meal.. hardly realizing any of it owing to interesting conversation and overflow of nostalgia...
So they walked back into the compound... crumpling leaves under their feet.... Pappa decides to do another round of surveying and supervising while she hangs around.. in the ruins...
They look so beautiful to her, she doesn't want to leave. She doesn't want to let go, and she suddenly makes a lot more sense of the stress and trauma that latently affected her in a growing fashion over the past 3 years. Its like the crescendo was at its peak.
The sun sets on the last day of the year 2005... She and Pappa drive out... for the last time ever from Lobo Compound.
The events that followed... complicated, emotionally painful etc all gave her one thing that she slept with that night - the one thing she was later to learn was possibly her greatest strength or her biggest weakness - that she loves her family very very dearly!
In the year to come... It cost her her biggest dream ever... it also earned her moments she wouldn't replace for the world.
Its hardly about all that.... the blog is honestly just about 31st December 2005 - the day she bonded stronger than ever - with almost every member of her family!
As the car drove into the compound she noticed the destruction of sorts... the building that she knew as "office" all these years lay broken and in ruins. Some fain wall paper remains and she remembers running around in that place as a child. The smell of the AC, the continuous screeching of the huge dot matrix printer as a background, and butter idli - the types she's hasn't ever tasted again. Memories of her grandfather... and a sudden realization that what seemed to be massive wasn't that big after all!
Pappa goes around surveying the loading of machines and material alike, supervising all he can on that ground... he knows its his last time there. Nostalgia takes over when he starts a conversation with his manager - " Have I ever told you the story of the compound?" he asks his daughter....
She's been living in the same house... through the same 3 years of stress that he has, latently affected by them herself, not very obviously showing it, but affected. She knew all she managed to gather from random snippets of conversations and out pours of emotion to her when some one in the house thought they had had enough... but honestly, she knew a little less than was expected for a 17 year old to know... she never questioned.
And then the narration starts, with facts and details with emotions at that time and then in hind sight... as she patiently listens and understand the enormity of the whole series of events over 25 years. Struggles, fights, Mental Stress and ghosts!!!
Engrossed in conversation she and her dad walk down to the local joint for a meal.. hardly realizing any of it owing to interesting conversation and overflow of nostalgia...
So they walked back into the compound... crumpling leaves under their feet.... Pappa decides to do another round of surveying and supervising while she hangs around.. in the ruins...
They look so beautiful to her, she doesn't want to leave. She doesn't want to let go, and she suddenly makes a lot more sense of the stress and trauma that latently affected her in a growing fashion over the past 3 years. Its like the crescendo was at its peak.
The sun sets on the last day of the year 2005... She and Pappa drive out... for the last time ever from Lobo Compound.
The events that followed... complicated, emotionally painful etc all gave her one thing that she slept with that night - the one thing she was later to learn was possibly her greatest strength or her biggest weakness - that she loves her family very very dearly!
In the year to come... It cost her her biggest dream ever... it also earned her moments she wouldn't replace for the world.
Its hardly about all that.... the blog is honestly just about 31st December 2005 - the day she bonded stronger than ever - with almost every member of her family!
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