Honey and the Moon

- Joseph Arthur

" Don't know why I 'm still afraid, if you weren't real I would make you up..."

Now I'm thinking, would I, honestly? I'm trying to understand the strength of the bond and wondering whether I'd be able to make up a bond to the same effect in my mind. Would my perception be deep, wide, broad enough to be able to "presume" that a bond to this effect can exist at all?

I doubt I could perceive the depth of the unspoken understanding we share, of the "Mental Connection" that requires few words. It honestly goes beyond understanding each others witty one liners and sarcastic stints. Cos humor hides a lot beneath its surface. Choice, Identity, Security, Likes and otherwise and the Lack of all of these things - all stuffings in the big pillowcase of Humor - and then again - Life is just a Pillow Fights isn't it. As much as you didn't intend for it to hit a certain place ;)

Silence holds the strength to convey emotions that words aren't strong enough to hold,they'll just give way and break the emotion.

3 years, and I ponder about how they went by, as a set of phases and then in hindsight , as a synergy - one entire entity.
From being Naive to being Not so naive ... innocence and the lack of it... Ego, Ideas, day dreams...

Insecurity attacks people differently, which is good - the abundance of security in one will flow to the other , bringing about a balance. Or then with both insecure - they will share their insecurity and incompleteness....
Or then theres another option - To reach security -as a personal accomplishment - to reach a seemingly complete self - and then share the security and the completeness...

Experiments, mistakes and make outs. But some bonds are strong enough to survive these. And over the past 3 years, I'm only convinced they'll grow stronger, cos we've given each other multiple Second Chances - and will continue to do so...

"but right now, everything you want is wrong, and right now, all your dreams are waking up"

Hunter

- Dido

I must admit that i'm slightly inspired by Karuna's blog, as much as I have been banned against revealing its existence, I find a weird sort of solace and reassurance in what she writes and has written over the years.
Maybe life's phases and lessons are still the same for each individual, although the experience may be different, but the underlying intentions that life as an individual entity has when it puts us through what it does, are perhaps the same.

Its funny, the way life leaves you single when in a crowd and then just a while later, just 1 person, a few people, become your crowd, your people, your defense against solitude. And you move through life with your crowd, like they're you're raft in a white water rafting patch. With all its rapids and calms, with moments when you find thrill in not knowing where you'll be a second later to times when you see hours, miles and years of what lies ahead of you...

And then again there's a rapid, you come out of it, suddenly unknown to your own self. Not knowing who you are or where you are headed. Suddenly being surrounded by people you know... but thats just it.

You're alone, in your own territory. The king of your castle suddenly feels like a door mouse and you're just about lucky to feel that way, because exploring is always more fun without the crown!

"Cos this queen you think you own, wants to be a hunter again.. wants to see the world alone again, to take a chance on life again...."

Suddenly in a new patch, calm enough, just about to let you figure out where you are, but not long enough for you to know where you're going. Long enough to tell you who you're with, hardly about why, how each person is?
You know its a phase this time around. Experience in rafting teaches you that. Best friends are never Permanent, no one honestly is.. not even you....
You hold on none the less, to a faint illusion - accepting the change, the growing apart, the memories and then the security that thats not going away anywhere. And that in the end, they're your comfort cushion, you know they'll soften your fall or maybe, just let it hit hard enough!

All over again, one phase to another and then yet another the cycle continues, unraveling each page, slowly and steadily to what we know as life... More coming together and that much more falling apart, equal amount of memories and more change...

Finally at a point when i'm numb to it. Having lost friends i never thought i'd lose, or drift away from to keeping friends that i never thought would stick around, its just more mysteries i prepare myself for. Deep down, holding on to one ground rule. Nothing is permanent - Not even ME. So when i'm Alone - Its not for long and then also, when its crowded - it'll be over soon enough :)

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