She walked in through the door and heavily plonked herself on the mattress where he was reading his book. He didn't respond. He knew she had had a long day. But he felt no sympathy or pity. He didn't want to tear the world apart to make it all better for her. He wasn't a hopeless romantic. He was a die hard pragmatic. So he looked at her, she gave a weak smile, he reciprocated and went back to his book.

After a few silent moments, she went for a shower. She came out fresh and clean and smelling divine. On her way back to the mattress, she detoured to the kicthen and picked up a wine glass and a coffee mug. She gestured to him, asking him which one he would prefer. He motioned to the mug. She went back to the kitchen and made 2 nice big mugs of cappuccino. He in the mean while called in for some food. He didn't ask her what she wanted.

And they sat there, each with their own book, own mug of coffee and silence. The only thing they had in common, was the blanket keeping them warm, that breezy winter evening... and their hands held tight under it.

They both had had a long day. They had both fought, with each other, with other people, with circumstance and with the world in general. They had no energy left to fight any more. They couldn't look at each other, they did not have anything reassuring to say to each other. So they sat there, in their silence...

Dinner came and passed while some movie played on the television. Every bone in her body hurt and she wanted nothing more than for her nerves to suddenly stop feeling anything at all. Every bone in his body ached for something to do. She envied his pain and he hers. On days they took that jealousy well, on others, they fought. Today was the other day....

After dinner they both slid into bed. He returned to his book. She slid closer to him and rest her head on his chest. He held her, tight. She felt a kiss on her forehead. She reciprocated on his chest.

Within moments she was in deep slumber and his eyes were surrendering to sleep. He shut the bedside lamp curled his other arm around her. And they slept. Sound.

And that, for that one moment, all the fighting they did, to stay together, was worth it

Fortresses and Facades

Fortresses Crumble...
Unexpectedly, Purposely...

Facades lift...
Truly, Honestly...

Comfort and warmth of the fortress,
Feel like an illusion, non existent, maybe never existent...

Facades feel more like curtains than masks...
The light let the silhouettes show, always...

Unfortunately, only the silhouettes,
And not the true colours...

The strength and magnanimity of the fortress,
A facade you saw only the silhouettes of...

Maybe if you had only tried,
Once, to rid the curtain...
Once, to help me break my fortress...
Maybe you would have freed yourself...
Maybe you would have freed me...

Maybe you would have looked into my fortress,
And realized its my prison, not my guard...
Maybe you would have let open my prison...
So I could unlock yours..

But fortresses crumbled...
Unexpectedly and purposely...

The rubble fell..
It hurt
And Bled...

But I'm trying to unlock you anyways...
Hoping you will help me heal my wounds...

You shy away,
You don't believe me...
You have never seen me Dark and Bleeding...
Only Strong and Magnanimous

But here I am...
More damaged than you bargained for...
Hurting more with every pebble you ever threw my way...

And I know I will heal myself...
And I know the hurt will stop...

But in this moment, now....
I need you to accept me, take me and love me...
For who I am...
For bleeding...
For Hurting....

Because Fortresses Crumbled purposely....
And Facades lifted...Honestly...Truely...

Grey's Anatomy and Strawberry Ice-Cream

That- is all the activity I have done in the past 36 hrs plus. And here I am blogging about it!
No no.. don't judge me yet.. I have not hit my head and had a concotion, I don't have blood in my frontal lobe thats changing personality traits, I dont have any extra reproductive organs apart from those I'm supposed to and hence there is no hormonal imbalance I am trying to even out by taking strange drugs.

The point is - I like watching greys anatomy - their pathetic workaholic lives remind me in some way of what mine used to be. They work in teams that they don't always get along with. They have relationships that don't always work out. They go through the anxiety of being new in the institution of the surgery ward and they aspire to becoming a resident. And over and above the stress of all that - they deal with people who are sick and need medical attention. Hmpf- Incoming Exchange should be renamed surgery :P
But why its good to watch greys anatomy is because now i know normal people have those emotions too and face the same situations too.. helps me relate to normal people- you know - being nice to family, making sure work delegated to me is done - generally engaging in family gossip and things. Its like a reintegration procedure...hmm..

Anyways thats as uneventful as it gets at the moment. I'm thinking of doing things now - generally being efficient with something - you know, living a non slob like existance.

So I shall go and do that. And in the mean while leave you with the fact that my body is awesome! I have done no physical activity in 2 days and eaten about 1 litre of ice cream thats heavy in cream and calories. And i have not put on even a few more grams of extra weight! Point being - it only puts on healthy weight - and magically flushes out unhealthy weight!

I think i should be the next medical research :P

The Girl Next Door

I think I could get used to this "blogging everyday" thing. I thought so yesterday anyways. And then i didnt blog.
So today i shall post about yesterday and about a mostly uneventful today - in 2 different posts mostly because i know what I want the title to be.

So yesterday was interesting - not delightfully.. it could really have been better. For starters i blew off 500 bucks on a fucked up pasta and a breezer and my heart burns at the thought of the beautiful fettuchini and white sauce I would have got at little italy for about the same price. Then we drove around.. and had some really good doughnuts. The drive was mostly uneventful - which i would say is a good thing, cos it was closer to being eventful in a really bad way if it had to be eventful at all..

Anyways.. the pursuit of yesterday was mostly to figure out what "The Girl Next Door" is like? How does she dress? what kind of music is she into? what sort of conversations do you have with her? Whats she like as a person?

Of course I got diametrically opposite answers from different men. From hot boobs-long hair-sports bra wearing-model-who changes with windows open so guys can oogle- to Metal listening-punk-chinky - the definations of the "girl next door" as i figure, are quite whopped.

Anyhow, as always wikipedia comes to the rescue... defines the girl next door as the american stereotype of the girl thats the same class as the male protagonist of the story. One whos feminine and average at almost everything....
The betty cooper types..

Now, I remember liking betty cooper - in school! thinking i'd be the friend she is, i'd be as low maintainance as she is, i'd be as smart and hard working as she is... you know the kinds that would go to an old age home with chocolates on a wasted saturday morning and would heal the dog who hurt himself on the road...
I used to vaguely be that person i remember... love songs i heard and love stories i read...all starry eyed for my prince charming to ride along...

But i think the past 5 years have worked as a disillusionment of sorts - i mean.. don't you think? If you knew me between 2004 and now - you know you've been a part of making me this person.

And if you think of that - i dont really mind being somewhat or the girl next door... but i'd also like to be the feminist, marxist, development economics and politics studying girl...
Of course a compromise has to be met.. I know you don't like too much of either... You almost started my path from being girl next door to getting here.. and now you're going to have to anchor me the other way :)

Have always been the balanced one.. haven't you...
Well help me balance this then :)