Fortresses Crumble...
Unexpectedly, Purposely...
Facades lift...
Truly, Honestly...
Comfort and warmth of the fortress,
Feel like an illusion, non existent, maybe never existent...
Facades feel more like curtains than masks...
The light let the silhouettes show, always...
Unfortunately, only the silhouettes,
And not the true colours...
The strength and magnanimity of the fortress,
A facade you saw only the silhouettes of...
Maybe if you had only tried,
Once, to rid the curtain...
Once, to help me break my fortress...
Maybe you would have freed yourself...
Maybe you would have freed me...
Maybe you would have looked into my fortress,
And realized its my prison, not my guard...
Maybe you would have let open my prison...
So I could unlock yours..
But fortresses crumbled...
Unexpectedly and purposely...
The rubble fell..
It hurt
And Bled...
But I'm trying to unlock you anyways...
Hoping you will help me heal my wounds...
You shy away,
You don't believe me...
You have never seen me Dark and Bleeding...
Only Strong and Magnanimous
But here I am...
More damaged than you bargained for...
Hurting more with every pebble you ever threw my way...
And I know I will heal myself...
And I know the hurt will stop...
But in this moment, now....
I need you to accept me, take me and love me...
For who I am...
For bleeding...
For Hurting....
Because Fortresses Crumbled purposely....
And Facades lifted...Honestly...Truely...
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Grey's Anatomy and Strawberry Ice-Cream
That- is all the activity I have done in the past 36 hrs plus. And here I am blogging about it!
No no.. don't judge me yet.. I have not hit my head and had a concotion, I don't have blood in my frontal lobe thats changing personality traits, I dont have any extra reproductive organs apart from those I'm supposed to and hence there is no hormonal imbalance I am trying to even out by taking strange drugs.
The point is - I like watching greys anatomy - their pathetic workaholic lives remind me in some way of what mine used to be. They work in teams that they don't always get along with. They have relationships that don't always work out. They go through the anxiety of being new in the institution of the surgery ward and they aspire to becoming a resident. And over and above the stress of all that - they deal with people who are sick and need medical attention. Hmpf- Incoming Exchange should be renamed surgery :P
But why its good to watch greys anatomy is because now i know normal people have those emotions too and face the same situations too.. helps me relate to normal people- you know - being nice to family, making sure work delegated to me is done - generally engaging in family gossip and things. Its like a reintegration procedure...hmm..
Anyways thats as uneventful as it gets at the moment. I'm thinking of doing things now - generally being efficient with something - you know, living a non slob like existance.
So I shall go and do that. And in the mean while leave you with the fact that my body is awesome! I have done no physical activity in 2 days and eaten about 1 litre of ice cream thats heavy in cream and calories. And i have not put on even a few more grams of extra weight! Point being - it only puts on healthy weight - and magically flushes out unhealthy weight!
I think i should be the next medical research :P
No no.. don't judge me yet.. I have not hit my head and had a concotion, I don't have blood in my frontal lobe thats changing personality traits, I dont have any extra reproductive organs apart from those I'm supposed to and hence there is no hormonal imbalance I am trying to even out by taking strange drugs.
The point is - I like watching greys anatomy - their pathetic workaholic lives remind me in some way of what mine used to be. They work in teams that they don't always get along with. They have relationships that don't always work out. They go through the anxiety of being new in the institution of the surgery ward and they aspire to becoming a resident. And over and above the stress of all that - they deal with people who are sick and need medical attention. Hmpf- Incoming Exchange should be renamed surgery :P
But why its good to watch greys anatomy is because now i know normal people have those emotions too and face the same situations too.. helps me relate to normal people- you know - being nice to family, making sure work delegated to me is done - generally engaging in family gossip and things. Its like a reintegration procedure...hmm..
Anyways thats as uneventful as it gets at the moment. I'm thinking of doing things now - generally being efficient with something - you know, living a non slob like existance.
So I shall go and do that. And in the mean while leave you with the fact that my body is awesome! I have done no physical activity in 2 days and eaten about 1 litre of ice cream thats heavy in cream and calories. And i have not put on even a few more grams of extra weight! Point being - it only puts on healthy weight - and magically flushes out unhealthy weight!
I think i should be the next medical research :P
The Girl Next Door
I think I could get used to this "blogging everyday" thing. I thought so yesterday anyways. And then i didnt blog.
So today i shall post about yesterday and about a mostly uneventful today - in 2 different posts mostly because i know what I want the title to be.
So yesterday was interesting - not delightfully.. it could really have been better. For starters i blew off 500 bucks on a fucked up pasta and a breezer and my heart burns at the thought of the beautiful fettuchini and white sauce I would have got at little italy for about the same price. Then we drove around.. and had some really good doughnuts. The drive was mostly uneventful - which i would say is a good thing, cos it was closer to being eventful in a really bad way if it had to be eventful at all..
Anyways.. the pursuit of yesterday was mostly to figure out what "The Girl Next Door" is like? How does she dress? what kind of music is she into? what sort of conversations do you have with her? Whats she like as a person?
Of course I got diametrically opposite answers from different men. From hot boobs-long hair-sports bra wearing-model-who changes with windows open so guys can oogle- to Metal listening-punk-chinky - the definations of the "girl next door" as i figure, are quite whopped.
Anyhow, as always wikipedia comes to the rescue... defines the girl next door as the american stereotype of the girl thats the same class as the male protagonist of the story. One whos feminine and average at almost everything....
The betty cooper types..
Now, I remember liking betty cooper - in school! thinking i'd be the friend she is, i'd be as low maintainance as she is, i'd be as smart and hard working as she is... you know the kinds that would go to an old age home with chocolates on a wasted saturday morning and would heal the dog who hurt himself on the road...
I used to vaguely be that person i remember... love songs i heard and love stories i read...all starry eyed for my prince charming to ride along...
But i think the past 5 years have worked as a disillusionment of sorts - i mean.. don't you think? If you knew me between 2004 and now - you know you've been a part of making me this person.
And if you think of that - i dont really mind being somewhat or the girl next door... but i'd also like to be the feminist, marxist, development economics and politics studying girl...
Of course a compromise has to be met.. I know you don't like too much of either... You almost started my path from being girl next door to getting here.. and now you're going to have to anchor me the other way :)
Have always been the balanced one.. haven't you...
Well help me balance this then :)
So today i shall post about yesterday and about a mostly uneventful today - in 2 different posts mostly because i know what I want the title to be.
So yesterday was interesting - not delightfully.. it could really have been better. For starters i blew off 500 bucks on a fucked up pasta and a breezer and my heart burns at the thought of the beautiful fettuchini and white sauce I would have got at little italy for about the same price. Then we drove around.. and had some really good doughnuts. The drive was mostly uneventful - which i would say is a good thing, cos it was closer to being eventful in a really bad way if it had to be eventful at all..
Anyways.. the pursuit of yesterday was mostly to figure out what "The Girl Next Door" is like? How does she dress? what kind of music is she into? what sort of conversations do you have with her? Whats she like as a person?
Of course I got diametrically opposite answers from different men. From hot boobs-long hair-sports bra wearing-model-who changes with windows open so guys can oogle- to Metal listening-punk-chinky - the definations of the "girl next door" as i figure, are quite whopped.
Anyhow, as always wikipedia comes to the rescue... defines the girl next door as the american stereotype of the girl thats the same class as the male protagonist of the story. One whos feminine and average at almost everything....
The betty cooper types..
Now, I remember liking betty cooper - in school! thinking i'd be the friend she is, i'd be as low maintainance as she is, i'd be as smart and hard working as she is... you know the kinds that would go to an old age home with chocolates on a wasted saturday morning and would heal the dog who hurt himself on the road...
I used to vaguely be that person i remember... love songs i heard and love stories i read...all starry eyed for my prince charming to ride along...
But i think the past 5 years have worked as a disillusionment of sorts - i mean.. don't you think? If you knew me between 2004 and now - you know you've been a part of making me this person.
And if you think of that - i dont really mind being somewhat or the girl next door... but i'd also like to be the feminist, marxist, development economics and politics studying girl...
Of course a compromise has to be met.. I know you don't like too much of either... You almost started my path from being girl next door to getting here.. and now you're going to have to anchor me the other way :)
Have always been the balanced one.. haven't you...
Well help me balance this then :)
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Hot Coffee with Almonds and Whipped Cream
Sigh. How little old me craves for that thing kushank had at barista the other day. I would do a fair amount to go back to Barista and have it if I had someone to go with me. Unfortunately I don't. Because most people I would like to be around at this point in time, without their presence being annoying, are busy with other people doing other things, jamming, partying, smoking ^ or out of town! and new ideas come to mind now, damnit!
But in a way its a blessing that people are busy. Reminds me that at this point I don't want to be partying or jamming or sitting around while people smoke ^. I won't mind travelling. But then I will never mind travelling. The point is that people being busy with things I dont want to do fits in with the isolation plan. Catching up on reads and movies and shows and sleep and studies (most importantly!)
I figured just now that a new number target needs to be made. Thanks to Mr Varun Punjabi and LSE my brain actually works on the lines of numbers now. Not performing mathematical operations on them - just mostly working with them.
My exam timetable is out. The godforesaken exams start on the 7th of May and go on till 5th of June. May is going to be a LONG month. As I look at it, that slims my chances of making it to april lcong if it happens anytime after the 15th. Bummer. At this point I realize that its time I stop looking at all events in my life from an AIESEC perspective.
Withdrawal symptoms are strong. And the reactions are entertaining in retrospect.Not in that moment...
But its good. I've been doing things the AIESECer Apeksha hasn't done in a while... Like listen to Dido and other pop chick singers/bands. I've also been getting drunk on nice alcohol :) Long Island Ice Tea is the shit! :P
Overblown ego is self deflating - which is a very very good thing. Speaking to old friends and catching up and the likes has happened.
I watched Kung Fu Panda today. Feel like doing a watching marathon... what to watch? Grey's anatomy would be ideal - except no one gives it to me (hmpf). Not in a dexter mood. Maybe OC but dont have that either!
Shall watch something - thats mostly pop-y and non deep/intellectual/strong/thought provoking types.
And siddhant the angel just told me he'd give them all to me. So I will be off to pick up my quota of of senseless watches :P
More from appyland soon
But in a way its a blessing that people are busy. Reminds me that at this point I don't want to be partying or jamming or sitting around while people smoke ^. I won't mind travelling. But then I will never mind travelling. The point is that people being busy with things I dont want to do fits in with the isolation plan. Catching up on reads and movies and shows and sleep and studies (most importantly!)
I figured just now that a new number target needs to be made. Thanks to Mr Varun Punjabi and LSE my brain actually works on the lines of numbers now. Not performing mathematical operations on them - just mostly working with them.
My exam timetable is out. The godforesaken exams start on the 7th of May and go on till 5th of June. May is going to be a LONG month. As I look at it, that slims my chances of making it to april lcong if it happens anytime after the 15th. Bummer. At this point I realize that its time I stop looking at all events in my life from an AIESEC perspective.
Withdrawal symptoms are strong. And the reactions are entertaining in retrospect.Not in that moment...
But its good. I've been doing things the AIESECer Apeksha hasn't done in a while... Like listen to Dido and other pop chick singers/bands. I've also been getting drunk on nice alcohol :) Long Island Ice Tea is the shit! :P
Overblown ego is self deflating - which is a very very good thing. Speaking to old friends and catching up and the likes has happened.
I watched Kung Fu Panda today. Feel like doing a watching marathon... what to watch? Grey's anatomy would be ideal - except no one gives it to me (hmpf). Not in a dexter mood. Maybe OC but dont have that either!
Shall watch something - thats mostly pop-y and non deep/intellectual/strong/thought provoking types.
And siddhant the angel just told me he'd give them all to me. So I will be off to pick up my quota of of senseless watches :P
More from appyland soon
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